Oh crap.

No, this has nothing to do with the media coverage of the debacle which is Trump.

I am talking about the real kind, the stuff your pets put out every day. Why? I’ll tell you. I was taking a break from my gardening, sitting on my patio catching the first of the official Autumn sun. Yes sun, sorry people in the West Midlands, it’s cooled to a wonderful seventy six degrees and there’s a pleasant salty breeze off the ocean…what can I say, it’s California. I was drinking a nice cup of TJ organic coffee, which isn’t bad, whilst watching my cat treat my freshly raked vegetable bed as a huge litter box. He dug up a couple of freshly planted courgettes (that’s zucchinis to most of you) and redistributed innumerable seeds while diligently preparing the hole, he examined it and once satisfied (after a few minor adjustments) he shuffled and squatted. His giant fluffy tail rose into the air and quivered while he looked at me contentedly, then he blinked and looked away (not in shame I may add). In contrast to the skill and dexterity with which the preparations were made, his attempt to cover up his deposit was lame and decidedly half-arsed to say the least. After finishing my coffee and my second shortbread biscuit I played ‘hunt-the-poo’ while he watched and gloated in that self-righteous catty fashion he has long ago mastered.

So what? you ask yourself. I hear the words as plainly as if you had said them. Well, as I stood there, stinky poo suspended in flimsy Home Depot bag, I decided I was in a quandary. Should I really be tossing it straight into the trash and subsequently consigning the ounce of poo with a whole plastic bag to the landfill like I normally do? Should I drop it into our toilet? After all it has no litter coating it like some giant bon-bon but with the drought in California, I’m not sure that is the better alternative. I don’t feel comfortable just throwing it up some corner where it won’t be trodden on but I can’t put it back. I look at the bag, maybe my problem lies with the poo’s packaging? I have shied away from spending good money on ‘compostable’ bags but maybe it is time. After all, I only buy organic foods (except biscuits and other ‘British’ treats), I recycle like a maniac and drive a hybrid car, I shouldn’t put plastic in landfill.

I drop the bag by the back door and head inside, I’ll Google it. After I wash my hands (good practice wherever poo is involved) I easily find the answer, flush the stuff but I do the math and come up with 12 gallons of treated, premium water a week! Back I go to my original dilemma. My decision is a simple one, it can wait to be flushed until there’s more of it, after all, there are plenty of people in the house. After remembering to delete the browsing history before advertising for God-knows-what starts to come at me through every portal of my social media, I add an item to the shopping list…Poo Bags. I smile, the world may be going to shit all around me but at least I am satisfied that I have sorted out my crap.




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